You know how I know you’re never going to find a picture of me naked, straddling a shark? Because I’ve never even MET a shark. I’d have to make an effort to do so, and guess what? I don’t want to. No interest. If I were going to meet any large sea-dwelling creature, it would be a dolphin, no question. And, if I were ever privileged enough to meet a dolphin, I wouldn’t take off all my clothes to straddle its body. And, okay, let’s just imagine that maybe I did strip down to hug a dolphin while naked: I sure as hell wouldn’t smile for a picture.
Not like this guy:
This picture started making the rounds on Twitter when wildlife TV presenter, film maker, and wolf-adorer Anneke Svenska posted it with the request that someone identify the man in the picture for humiliating an animal, which is so hypocritical, because that’s basically sorta kinda almost exactly what SHE’S doing in HER profile picture! I mean, look at this!
Anyway, two possible candidates emerged as the hump-back whale (‘cause he’s fat, get it?): Florida Gators coach Jim McElwain:
and Jimmy John’s founder Jimmy John Liautaud:
There’s a strong case to be made for both: Jim McElwain has a similar build and hair color to the man in the picture, while Jimmy John has a case history of posing with slaughtered big game—
—and also looks exactly like the man in the picture because it’s him.
Both men have issued denials; Jim with this video:
And Jimmy John via a spokesman. He was unavailable for an interview because he was probably rimming squid.