We are halfway through The Rio Olympics and things are actually going better than people originally thought they would! However if you’re a sadist, this kind of sucks. Before the summer games started we were promised that everyone was going to get infected with the Zika Virus, the politically turbulent Brazilian government was going to devolve into chaos and the gangs of Rio were going to go on a murder rampage. Well turns out this hasn’t didn’t happen- yet. Brazil so far gets a Bronze medal for debauchery, as a few bad things have happened. Lets recap!
1.Weight Lifter Snapped His Arm
As we reported last week, for Armenia’s Andranik Karapetyan his weight lifting routine took a horrific twist. Specifically his arm twisting during his second lift of 430 pounds. I might gag. The 20-year-old immediately screamed in agony as his left arm snapped, a bone visibly poking out. Medical staff rushed to his side as the large, muscled man fought back tears. Officials in the stadium were also visibly about to start puking out.
2. Ryan Lochte and Team USA Swimmers Held At Gunpoint
On the night after Ryan Lochte and the men’s USA swim team absolutely crushed it in the pool, bringing home another gold medal, Lochte was held at gun point. It all started Saturday night when after closing out the swimming competition Lochte and the boys headed out on the town to celebrate. The swim champ and company visited France’s hospitality house for a party before jumping in a cab to head back to the Olympic village. However on their way their cab was pulled over by “police” – or rather a group of assailants wearing police uniforms. They told the Olympians in the car to get on the ground. Since this wasn’t water, Lochte refused- at which point a gun was pointed at his head and he said ‘OK.” Luckily after grabbing their cash, the assailants let swim team go unharmed.
3. Russian “Diplomat” At Rio Olympics Disarms Robber Shooting Him In Face!
Before the games even started a supposed Russian official killed his attacker as he sat in his car. A Brazilian thief must have thought he would find some easy targets with all of the foreign athletes and people visiting his city. That’s because yesterday the armed attacker pulled up on a motorcycle alongside a black BMW with a sticker saying “Vice Consul, Russian Federation.” He broke the window of the car and stuck his gun in the face of the occupant inside. However instead of some member of the male synchronized swimming team, the wouldbe robber was met with some badass Russian dude who grabbed the gun, pulling him INTO the car and shooting him point blank in the frickin’ face. BOOM goes the dynamite.
4. Moroccan Boxer Accused Of Attempted Sexual Assault
Before the games started a Moroccan boxer was accused of attempting to sexually assault to maids in the Olympic village. Hassan Saada was arrested by Brazilian police when two maids said that he approached one and asked her if she wanted a selfie with him. He then pushed her up against the wall and tried to kiss her before groping a second women’s breasts and offering them both money for sex. He was not allowed to compete in the games and is still in a Brazilian jail while police conduct an investigation. He could face between six and ten years in prison.
5. The Fart Smelling Diving Pool
Instead of focusing on the people jumping off the diving board, the diving pool itself got a bit more attention than Olympic officials had hoped for. That’s because this week it suddenly turned green and began to smell like a fart. At first they thought this may be due to increased algae because of heat and lack of wind. Gross. However they later discovered there was too much hydrogen peroxide in the pool. Fun!
6. Journalist Had Thousands of Dollars of Equipment Stolen
An Olympic photojournalist had forty thousand dollars’ worth of equipment stolen from him in seconds. Sitting in a café, Brett Costello an award winning photographer for News Corp was distracted purposefully by a women who said she needed help. As the woman talked to him, her accomplice then made off with his bag of gear that was sitting right next to him.
7. Synchronized Swimmers Walk Synchronized Together To The Pool
This is like something out of Children of The Corn.
What was your fav best – worst moment from the Summer Games so far?
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney