This Kid Had To Draw On His Scalp With A Sharpie To Avoid Getting Suspended


You’d think one of the benefits of not attending a private school with a dress code (like a Catholic all-girls school or an Islamic all-boys madrasa) is is that you get to wear whatever you want. Except for those public schools that are basically battlefields for gang wars, where you can’t wear blue or red or holsters or Kevlar vests, and the last one on that list is really unfair, because why can’t you at least protect yourself from the students who’re upset they can’t wear red and blue? They’re not known for their aim.

Then there are the schools that have REALLY strict dress codes, which include the banning of any styles that may have once been referred to as “deaf” in a Kid ‘n Play movie.

That seems to be the policy at Cedar Bayou Junior High School in Baytown, Texas, where sixth grader Xavier Davis was threatened with “in-school suspension”* for having—trigger warning—two lines shaved into his otherwise completely normal hair.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, the dress code only allows one line to be shaved into your hair. No, seriously, the dress code actually states that “letters, symbols, and designs beyond a single straight line which draw attention to an individual shall not be permitted.”

Now, I can understand not letting kids shave a pentagram adorned with a ring of swastikas into their hair—I mean, I think the kids SHOULD be allowed to, but I can understand why a junior high school principal might not be as cool and progressive as I am—but Xavier’s hairstyle was in no way drawing my attention. In fact, I’d say the blame for any distraction that may have occurred is all on the faculty who didn’t realize their no-tolerance policy for hairstyles usually found on artists signed to Sugar Hill Records was going to make this story go viral. Now, here I am at work, with my attention drawn away from my studies of cat videos and Kermit memes because I had to redirect my focus to this. You think I blame the kid?!

Anyway, the boy’s mother came up with a brilliant solution: she used a Sharpie to fill in one of the two lines, bringing the grand total of hair lines (assuming you don’t count the one across his forehead) back down to the acceptable number: one.

Yes, she employed the same tactic used by Hobbes after giving Calvin a terrible haircut:

*(Regarding this “in-school suspension”: I’d never heard of it, and if you haven’t, it’s basically a way to avoid rewarding miscreants with extra vacation time by turning suspension into solitary confinement on school grounds, though when you consider that kids who are violent enough to get suspended are usually pathologically antisocial, it’s still a reward.)

 



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